Tuesday, September 25, 2012

One greatest Friend(ship) I ever lost!

What makes Life so special? What just drives us through the days in our lifetime? What determines our happiness or sorrows? The Quest that never ends!

Once again, the words, 'First impression makes the best' proved to be right. She was busy adding everyone in her sight, on the office communicator. I couldn't imagine me doing that so easily as she was doing! And Yes! My first impression on her was made by then. She is cool! She is childish! She is social! I was, at once attracted by her actions. She walked up to me, asked my name, and taken by surprise, all I did was just spelled my name out. That was the first verbal encounter with her, though she was in the room right next to mine in Lemon Tree, the place where we have been provided temporary accommodation.

She was good-looking, simple, thin and short. And her face carried a true smile with no reasons, filling her not-so-big face! We exchanged just 'Hi' and 'Bye!' for few days, got to know each other gradually and most importantly one trait which made her special was, she did not carry any attitude with her, which is nowadays a rare characteristic to see. Things made way for me to get acquainted with her in very less time and as everyone would have experienced, the relationship gets better very quickly during the initial days! And, this was no exception.

The boot-camp training progressed. During the initial days of joining an IT firm, you would never realize how those 24 hours in a day, just pass. The clock runs faster and days just go like minutes. Our trainings got over and now we hit the office floor, which came after a wait of about 9 weeks in training. We were three guys who used to hang out together and she preferred to join us to every place we went! And I should mention that, we had never been to a pub or any night-out with her which I am sure, she would not have agreed to come.

I must say, the happiest days after college life, happened to be the initial days at office. Every one of us were busy making friends, in the name of 'Networking', and we guys were gossiping about the good looking girls who were there at office where ever we went! We chatted a lot, we laughed a lot, and unquestionably we dreamed a lot (about having coffee with at least one of those good looking lot!). We guys had our lunch together and it was special for me in a way that we never had a girl in our gang since my school days. This time, it was little bit different.

Months passed. The friendship which initially had no expectations and disappointments, started changing gradually. At least from my side, from the previous experiences, I know these two things are going to kill any nice friendship. I had certain basic expectations which knowingly or unknowingly, she met. The worst thing that happened was that I was staffed onto a project in a different domain. Certain things changed a bit faster just because of that. She always looked like a cartoon to me. Not to be rude, all her gestures, the style of her walk, the Tamil she "killed", the hype she gave for silly reasons, everything resembled the character 'Olive' in Popeye show. 

Days rolled. I couldn't join my gang for lunch rather not for a short coffee break, because the initial days in project turned out to be bad as I was badly pushing myself to make an impression. My timings did not match with them and I had to join my other set of friends for lunch. In my personal opinion, girls just move with everyone the same way during the initial days, in a new environment. But as days progress, they eventually get aligned to someone! The case was not so different here. Yeah! Had it been me, Oh wow!, it would have been great. But every time, I was left-out. That uncomfortable feel started growing from inside. I couldn't look at her face-to-face, talk casually or rather I couldn't be my own self. Whatever happened, it just left one unanswered question, "Why not me?". I sensed something was seriously wrong, but both of us pretended as of we did not care about it, which in turn added to the woes. From all the short-lived deeper friendships I had, I learned one simple thing. 'Keep it simple'... Speak out, fight or just do something and settle things, then and there. Unfortunately, I failed at it miserably and i am still failing.

Certain decisions are tough to make. But at times they are badly needed. Finally, I have decided, to move away from her completely. To take the decision was easy when you were deeply hurt. But to make it happen, it's one hell of a trouble. The fear of failing made me tough and hard. It wasn't so easy. There was a fight everyday between my heart and my mind. One said I am wrong and the other claimed that I am right! I lost peaceful sleep for so many days. All I wished during these days was, not to see her around wherever I went. Fortunately or unfortunately, I just stuck to my mind and what it looked like more than an year, was not more than 4 months, since I moved away from her.

The person whom I admired the most during my earlier days at office, with whom I used to be myself, who's company I liked much, sadly turned out to be some stranger. The smiles, laughter, happiness we shared together, everything faded out. I hardly saw her and to make things worse I totally lost track of her completely to the extent where I did not know for sure if she was still with the firm. I have heard, "Broken friendships can always be soldered. But the passion will never get its shine back"... To make it true, even after we tried to be normal and speak at times, it weren't the same as it used to be. Thinking about how it used to be, made me feel bad. But I couldn't do much about it, neither she could. Through the rest of days, were in, we both are going to be in vicinity, I wish, though not completely, this friendship shall revive and get me back everything, I have been missing for so long!

What happens tomorrow, is just uncertain! Am just gonna let it go the way it takes and hope for the best!

Monday, August 15, 2011

There's only one Voice - Voice of the People and that's the voice of the Nation!!

Most often I ask to myself  "What is the contribution I made to my Homeland, so that I claim more from it?" - an Awakening.

How will any reasonable Indian define his country?? Probably, as a nation with 1.3 billion humans; morethan 100 thriving languages; known for its Culture; world's biggest 'Democracy' : Yeah! none can stop us from asking the question, "What is the true meaning of Democracy? I swear, it's a mystery still. Let me give my definition. A nation with 1.3 billion incapable humans; separated by morethan 100 languages which causes a serious threat to the unity of the nation; rotting Culture, and the worst ever democracy of the decade.

When you don't have the freedom of Speech; when you don't have the freedom of living; when you don't have the freedom to stand for your rights, we can never say we are being 'ruled' by the people, we elected. We are literally 'dictated'. The saddest part of the fight, for the revival of a good governance, is that, most people here are fighting for their survival, their living!!. They never know what's governance is in the first hand; How can I expect them to give their voice against 'bad governance'? The ignorance of people was the biggest threat and now it got the support of 'Activists for benefits' who inject the most effective poison of 'Separatism' in the minds of the people for their own goodness.

We used to boast saying we promote 'Unity in Diversity'. Do we? True to our hearts? When we don't have the liberty to speak in our own language and expect the people around us to understand what we spoke, we don't stand united anymore. This happened to be the success factor of most politicians and thereby they keep us divided by some means. The movement that is most spoken these days, THE SECOND FREEDOM STRUGGLE - Independence from corruption, looting, bad governance and most importantly 'Dictatorship' in the name of Democracy, gives us a hope to bring back the reign of people friendly government.

Frustrated, listening to the foolish comments made by all those so called knowledgeable ministers. They spoke lots and definitely they crossed the limits. They are focused on things like 'Suppressing any movement that can bring threat to their government, finding bugs in all people who stand against corruption'. And the comment that irritated much is 'Un-elected people dictating terms to elected people'. Goddamn. They misunderstood the meaning of being elected. Its not just getting elected by people by votes. I agree, the people who fight against corruption are not elected. But, let me clarify one thing. They are 'accepted' by a billion people though they are not elected. Its not the voice of a handful of people. Its the voice of the nation. Is it a tough thought, for these looting idiots to understand?

I cannot stop the frustration it creates, listening to the nasty idiots speaking some crap, sitting in the chairs of most responsible positions in the country. Its late for sure, to stand against corruption when almost every cell in our body got accustomed to it. But, in the case of we not checking it, I swear there is no future for this nation and its people. There's a limit for tolerance of people here and it never means the people are not watching what's happening around. Its sad that, when we have a body to ensure proper means by which the representatives are elected, we don't have any watchdog to monitor the working of the same.

Set aside the thought that, what a single voice can do! It will do marvels. Only when we raise our voice, others will get a chance to know that there are people whom they can support! Enough of being robbed. When there are millions still starving for food in this nation, what prompts these blood sucking bugs to loot billions of dollars, euros, pounds and safe it in a place that is of no use to anyone, anywhere! 

Guys, its the Survival of the fittest and no doubt, if we don't stand high for our rights, we will end up with nothing. Let's there be a meaning to our life and a trace that we lived. We remember Gandhiji; we remember Nethaji; we remember Nehru; we remember Kalam. Don't this urge ourselves, to contribute something to this holy land, that gave us everything and also the will to stand for our freedom, to be remembered? Its our Nation and its our responsibility to make it stand high. Unless the laws are strong, the crimes can never be stopped. Stand high for the purpose; set aside the diversities; we are all Indians. To make it proud, it lies only in our hands! 

Freedom is nothing else, but a chance to be better!!

There should be a meaning for our life and a trace that we lived!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Home-maker... Maker of everything!

Does the soul, that gave life to us, get the love and care, it deserves?

Happened to see a school bus passing by, on my way to office. Its really a pleasure, looking at all those smiling faces inside, that doesn't know anything but, to be happy to live that moment. Not a surprise! I got reminded of my childhood days as narrated by my mom, like holding her tight to prevent myself to be arrested for a whole day in school, when the van gives a horn(sound that I hated the most those days, I swear), being with her always when she is not feeling well, too many kisses that I got from her, etc, etc.

To keep it simple, her words framed all my subconscious beliefs, behavior, character and my entire self. Those were the lessons in my Bible for life. All of a sudden felt very bad about myself for, my harsh words that I used at times(that keep on increasing day by day), the secrets I hid, above all, my immaturity that makes me forget that I was a child to her, am a child, and am will be always her's!

Yeah! I can't neglect the fact that, all what she said made sense to me those days and even at times nowadays. Those were the best without doubts. Yet, I remember saying "You don't know all these. Don't interfere", few many times. I would get just a smile as reply. That's mom! That's the ever loving soul! That's her tolerance! 

Sorry! I was ignorant these many days that I hardly expressed my love for her, which she values the most! My inner voice buzzed me with some questions and that brought me some wisdom.

Me:"Am a fool! What made me this bad? Am a stupid. Should have known this long back"

Inner Voice(IV): "Come on man! It all happens. Now answer my questions."


IV: "Will you hug your mom when you see her next?"

Me: "Definitely! Awaiting for it!"

IV: "Will you have a nap on her lap?"

Me: "Wow! That will be the peaceful sleep after a  long time!"

IV: "What was the biggest thing that you got from her?"

Me: "Um... A pen in 10th standard!"

IV: "Tats sad! Haven't you missed any of these? Her fingers through your hair? Her company when you are ill? Her words when you are morally down? Her kiss that motivated you ever?"

That was the moment when tears rolled out my eyes and I really realized whom she is, what she mean to me, why she is always great to me! Thank god! Its never late.

Looking for my time off to see her and experience what all I enjoyed in my childhood days! Whomsoever we may be, she owns us to the fullest! I understand the pain she incurred in bringing me up without blamed by anyone! 

Love, care and affection multiplies when expressed. And, I bet, that brings million dollar happiness!

Yeah! The Soul deserves a lot! And making it happy is never a mystery!  

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Its not must, that we should regret upon sorrows!

When we can make a better living than the routine, what stops us?

'The deepest of one's self is witnessed, not when we are truly happy, but when there is a mount of regrets standing tall in front of us to be encountered'... Most times the Philosopher within us gets life, when we are broken. Its always easy for others to throw some convincing words at us. Though our heart actually looks for it that time, the pain we suffer, always remains bigger than the feel, their words give.

Friends are the greatest asset in one's college life and am no exception, I have a bunch of cool and caring guys. That day started good with our unplanned visit to Saarang, annual cultural festival of IIT, Madras. Wow, mind blowing, excellent were few words among the many to describe my exclamation, looking at the proceedings there. No doubts, I had something to worry about not being a part of the ones, so called IITians. 

With loud speakers attracting crowd at some locations and many good looking gals spreading fragrance of charm all around, I bet, its definitely the best place to spend the Republic day. Never did i imagine, till the moment I received a call, that anything like what was conveyed to me over phone, would have happened. With much of confusion when I called my dad, god!, it was one tough moment when I heard my dad's voice being low and I could sense his tears though separated by hundreds of kms. They wanted nothing but my earliest arrival to my native.

My mind went for a quicker flashback. The man who is the root for a family, best at its liveliness, affection, intimacy and all attributes that measure the care and concern within a family! Mostly I remember him in bare body with just a dhothi and a white towel. The one behind all happiness in family, the one from whom the genes of perfection, affection, simplicity, greatness, nobility were inherited is no more. The soul that was running all through its life till the last moment within some eight acres of land and not beyond, finally gotta rest. None in my family could accept it or either live with it. 

The aftermath had a great impact. Many felt he had a best way to rest in peace. But my mind went in search of something that could explain to me, the customs of Real Life. To me, he left many things to perceive, chew and digest. 

Do what you would expect from others.
If the root is good and healthy, so is the entire tree.
Limit your expectations.
You never lose anything by doing good.
Never broadcast your sorrows.
Happiness is a moment's thing. Don't take it any deep than that.
If you are noble, Respect travels with you.
Done things, shouldn't be needed to be done again...

The list goes long and long. To keep it simple, I had a role model with me always. It feels that, if I try to replicate what all he accomplished, that's better than shedding tears for hours because, lost is only his physical presence, not the path he showed us for living great. 

When a train travels in the opposite direction to ours, it would look to move much faster. But its just an illusion, and so is our sorrows. They are actually much milder than it appear to us. Just because its against our happiness, it's magnitude seems huge. Behind every bad thing, the good thing is, there is something left for us to be perceived. 

When we can show a better way to live, never follow the routine. Souls live forever...