Tuesday, September 25, 2012

One greatest Friend(ship) I ever lost!

What makes Life so special? What just drives us through the days in our lifetime? What determines our happiness or sorrows? The Quest that never ends!

Once again, the words, 'First impression makes the best' proved to be right. She was busy adding everyone in her sight, on the office communicator. I couldn't imagine me doing that so easily as she was doing! And Yes! My first impression on her was made by then. She is cool! She is childish! She is social! I was, at once attracted by her actions. She walked up to me, asked my name, and taken by surprise, all I did was just spelled my name out. That was the first verbal encounter with her, though she was in the room right next to mine in Lemon Tree, the place where we have been provided temporary accommodation.

She was good-looking, simple, thin and short. And her face carried a true smile with no reasons, filling her not-so-big face! We exchanged just 'Hi' and 'Bye!' for few days, got to know each other gradually and most importantly one trait which made her special was, she did not carry any attitude with her, which is nowadays a rare characteristic to see. Things made way for me to get acquainted with her in very less time and as everyone would have experienced, the relationship gets better very quickly during the initial days! And, this was no exception.

The boot-camp training progressed. During the initial days of joining an IT firm, you would never realize how those 24 hours in a day, just pass. The clock runs faster and days just go like minutes. Our trainings got over and now we hit the office floor, which came after a wait of about 9 weeks in training. We were three guys who used to hang out together and she preferred to join us to every place we went! And I should mention that, we had never been to a pub or any night-out with her which I am sure, she would not have agreed to come.

I must say, the happiest days after college life, happened to be the initial days at office. Every one of us were busy making friends, in the name of 'Networking', and we guys were gossiping about the good looking girls who were there at office where ever we went! We chatted a lot, we laughed a lot, and unquestionably we dreamed a lot (about having coffee with at least one of those good looking lot!). We guys had our lunch together and it was special for me in a way that we never had a girl in our gang since my school days. This time, it was little bit different.

Months passed. The friendship which initially had no expectations and disappointments, started changing gradually. At least from my side, from the previous experiences, I know these two things are going to kill any nice friendship. I had certain basic expectations which knowingly or unknowingly, she met. The worst thing that happened was that I was staffed onto a project in a different domain. Certain things changed a bit faster just because of that. She always looked like a cartoon to me. Not to be rude, all her gestures, the style of her walk, the Tamil she "killed", the hype she gave for silly reasons, everything resembled the character 'Olive' in Popeye show. 

Days rolled. I couldn't join my gang for lunch rather not for a short coffee break, because the initial days in project turned out to be bad as I was badly pushing myself to make an impression. My timings did not match with them and I had to join my other set of friends for lunch. In my personal opinion, girls just move with everyone the same way during the initial days, in a new environment. But as days progress, they eventually get aligned to someone! The case was not so different here. Yeah! Had it been me, Oh wow!, it would have been great. But every time, I was left-out. That uncomfortable feel started growing from inside. I couldn't look at her face-to-face, talk casually or rather I couldn't be my own self. Whatever happened, it just left one unanswered question, "Why not me?". I sensed something was seriously wrong, but both of us pretended as of we did not care about it, which in turn added to the woes. From all the short-lived deeper friendships I had, I learned one simple thing. 'Keep it simple'... Speak out, fight or just do something and settle things, then and there. Unfortunately, I failed at it miserably and i am still failing.

Certain decisions are tough to make. But at times they are badly needed. Finally, I have decided, to move away from her completely. To take the decision was easy when you were deeply hurt. But to make it happen, it's one hell of a trouble. The fear of failing made me tough and hard. It wasn't so easy. There was a fight everyday between my heart and my mind. One said I am wrong and the other claimed that I am right! I lost peaceful sleep for so many days. All I wished during these days was, not to see her around wherever I went. Fortunately or unfortunately, I just stuck to my mind and what it looked like more than an year, was not more than 4 months, since I moved away from her.

The person whom I admired the most during my earlier days at office, with whom I used to be myself, who's company I liked much, sadly turned out to be some stranger. The smiles, laughter, happiness we shared together, everything faded out. I hardly saw her and to make things worse I totally lost track of her completely to the extent where I did not know for sure if she was still with the firm. I have heard, "Broken friendships can always be soldered. But the passion will never get its shine back"... To make it true, even after we tried to be normal and speak at times, it weren't the same as it used to be. Thinking about how it used to be, made me feel bad. But I couldn't do much about it, neither she could. Through the rest of days, were in, we both are going to be in vicinity, I wish, though not completely, this friendship shall revive and get me back everything, I have been missing for so long!

What happens tomorrow, is just uncertain! Am just gonna let it go the way it takes and hope for the best!